Paused for Thought

Anyone that follows my Twitter account has probably seen my depressed tweets about work and my ponderings of what to do with the rest of my working life. At 33 there are a fair few years left of it and I am loathe to spend it “stuck in a rut”.

My current job is a good one. I’m Business Controller of the UK branch of an International business, I work 40 hours per week and get paid a good wage, but unfortunately it is a job I “fell in to” rather than a job that I pursued.

My dilemma is this. Do I stay where I am, in a steady job that I find easy, and wait for the MD to retire (officially this would be in 5 years but because of ill health he has confided in me that he will be trying to retire sooner, perhaps within the next 2-3 years) and then put myself forward for the role of Managing Director. Or do I stop being a moaning Minnie and get my head around what it is that I DO want to do?

I find that I can be very indecisive. I don’t much like risk and I often think less of my abilities than those around me. On the other hand I know that I’m a fairly intelligent woman and I can pretty much deal with whatever is thrown at me and learn very quickly.

I wonder whether I should broach the subject with someone at head office, in regards to the likely hood of me succeeding the current MD? I’m concerned however that this could open up a can of worms. The current MD has mentioned that I would be the person here that would be most likely to succeed him but that means nothing really. He can’t say one way or another what they would want to do when he left.

Also, I do in fact wonder if I actually want the role. I have no experience of the product we sell and so I would have to rely on someone else to provide me with the information of the market, but then, I think this is a fairly common position to be in? I do know the company well however. Perhaps if I got some kind of nod from head office that I would be in with a strong chance of getting the position, then I would be able to start getting some training now and so in a few years time my knowledge would be better.

Am I foolish to be considering leaving when this opportunity is around the corner?

I just don’t know what to do?!

Marco Simoncelli 1987 - 2011

The events that unfolded on 23^rd October at the Malaysian Motogp which resulted in the untimely death of Marco Simoncelli have had a somewhat strange impact on me. I am writing this in the hope that I will realise, by “putting down on paper” why my reaction seems perhaps exaggerated considering I did not know Marco personally.

I only really started watching Motogp last year due to my Fiancé Mark moving in. I’ve always had a fondness for bikes. I fell in love with a Honda Fireblade in the window of a Motorcycle shop that I walked past most mornings on the way to college when I was about 17. So when my other half had maybe 4-6 hours of racing to watch on many a weekend it made sense to me to really to get into it too. So, I started watching and asking questions if I didn’t understand, particularly when Spalder’s dulcet tones were getting technical. I chose a rider to get behind. After watching much of the 2010 season, in 2011 I decided I’d be backing Ben Spies, a great rider and quiet man I also had to give support to Valentino Rossi, because, well, it’s Rossi! Mr Motogp and also Mark’s favourite.

Motogp, for those that have never watched it, is a marvel! It is a joy to watch the riders, all of the riders. You get to know them through a T.V screen, and, if you’re lucky enough like me, you get to see them race for real. This year Mark, my son Declan and I went to the Silverstone leg of the Motogp championship. It was a pretty dismal day weather wise, as the riders experienced on the track, but it was amazing to see these men take monsters around the track at such speeds and with such skill.

I saw Marco Simoncelli as a rider that was a little unconventional and occasionally controversial. He was never dull. You could see that he was always trying that little more, pushing that little bit harder, to prove himself. Like many of the greats before him he was finding his limits. With his Jimi Hendrix inspired afro and his gangly 6’ 2 frame that overshadowed most other riders in his class, he cut a distinctive figure! I thought he was great. Whenever you got a shot of him in the pits or lining up on the grid it felt good. He put a smile on your face, he made you root for him and he didn’t even have to give his winning smile to do so. And what a smile! His whole face just shone when he smiled and he had warmth that transcended the 2d. This man had this kind of impact on me and I’m pretty damn sure that I’m not alone. He did this with, what? A handful of minutes off track and a few hours on. He inspired that kind of reaction.

 Just a week before at Philip Island he got his highest podium so far in his 2 years in Motogp. It was just great watching him on that podium, trying to keep his cap on top of his mass of hair, I did laugh watching it. So even though Casey Stoner had won the championship I couldn’t be depressed about it because there was Marco, jumping up and down!

Sunday’s news came as a massive shock. I turned on BBC iPlayer to watch (we would normally watch on Eurosport because we prefer the commentary from Toby Moody, Julian Ryder and Spalders, but when the program started there was just a message from Toby). There on the TV it said that Marco had died. We couldn’t believe it. We sat in shock. We watched a replay of the accident once. That was enough.

We just sat there for a while. I saw on twitter that messages were already appearing. Since that Sunday morning I haven’t been able to stop thinking of Marco. Today is Thursday 27th and earlier Mark and I watched the live stream on Marco’s funeral. Since the accident he has been the last thing I thought of before sleep and the first thing I think of each morning. It may seem a little silly or foolish to be so upset by this young man’s death but he was a special guy, I think. This man wasn’t on most people’s radar, he wasn’t a Michael Jackson or Princess Diana but his death has truly grieved me, and I have to admit to feeling guilty about that. What right do I have to grieve for a man I didn’t really know? I know I won’t be feeling anywhere near as awful as his girlfriend, family and friends will be feeling and my deepest sympathies go out to those that loved him.

I’ve watched a number of video clips of him since Sunday. One of him, being introduced on stage at the Silverstone by Matt Roberts and Julian Ryder, stands out. I was chuffed to see the reception he received there. The words those that knew him have written have brought me to tears. He made an impact on people. I will miss seeing him on the track and in the pits. I know his friends and fellow riders in the paddock will pay fitting tribute to Super Sic in Valencia.

My support also goes out to Valentino Rossi and Colin Edwards. I’m sure you have the support of Motogp fans worldwide.

So I can only think that it is purely and simply the man he was and perhaps the tragic way in which he passed that has made me have this reaction and I still haven’t really found the words to do him justice.

I hope you have read this and understood that he meant so much to so many people. Those that knew him personally, and also those that knew him from his motorsport career. He was a shining star, one of the brightest, and he will be greatly missed.

Those that knew of you wished nothing but the best for you Marco. You won’t be forgotten. Sending you love. X Ciao Marco #58

http://www.motogp.com/en/videos/2011/Tribute+to+Marco+Simoncelli

http://www.motogp.com/en/videos/2011/MotoGP+Rewind+Marco+Simoncelli